Delusion and Dream

12:39am: 1.American Elm

2.Bear Oak (Quercus ililifolia)

3.Northern Pin oak (Quercus ellipsoidalis)

4.Norway maple Aceraceae Acer platanoides

5.Red Maple (Acer Rubrum)

6.Quaking Aspen (Populur tremuloides michx)

7.Sugar Maple (Acer saccharum)

8.Eastern cottonwood (Eastern cottonwood)

9.Queen Anns lace (Daucus carota)

10.Slippery Elm (ulmus Rubra Muhl)

12:37am: Listening Experience


The first thing I notice is the quietness of the woods. It's a different kind of quiet than you would find inside. The wind gently blowing, whistling in my ears. The leaves rustling around the ground. I can hear birds chirpping about in the tree branches above me. I also herd a woodpecker. I could hear it pecking on the wood, than a few moments later the wood would creak. I move on to smelling. It smells of wet leaves and wet dirt, not the best smell. Though, I do feel at peace. The wind keept on blowing, and my body is getting cold. I don't like cold fall days.

12:37am: Organisms In my Plot:

Plants and Trees-

Queen Anne's Lace

Bear Oka

Northern Pink Oak

Red Maple

Clovers

Sugar Maple

Grass



Insects-

Spider

Moth

Wasp

Ladybug

Snail

Slug

Mosquito

Grasshopper

Cricket

Fly

Butterfly


Animals-

Sparrow

Woodpecker

Robin

Squirrel

Owl

Deer

Toad

12:36am: Ladybug, ladybug, stay close to home: ladybugs would be good pest control - if you could keep them around - Answering Machine
Vegetarian Times, July, 1997 by Lee Reilly, Ed Blonz
Site:http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0820/is_n239/ai_19587349
-------------------

Several years ago, I bought a pint of ladybugs for $16 and released them in my garden. At mid-day, some of them were still there, exploring my tomatoes, which were also being explored by aphids, but by about 4 p.m., most of the ladybugs were next door. By mid-week, there wasn't a ladybug within 100 yards of my tomatoes or my aphids, and I resorted to a homemade organic spray. It proved too little too late.

What went wrong? One problem was my technique, according to Janet Taylor, co-author of Dead Snails Leave No Trails: Natural Pest Control for Home and Garden (Ter Speed Press, 1996). An entomologist and former zookeeper, Taylor recommends releasing ladybugs at night right on the problem area. At night, they'll stay close, and in the morning, when they're hungry, they'll munch on the aphids you've provided them. Nonetheless, she says, "You will still lose at least 50 percent of your lady beetles to other yards."

But even following this technique, I probably wouldn't have kept half of my ladybugs. The reason: I had enough soft-bodied insects to destroy my tomato crop, but not enough to keep even one commercial ladybug happy. "The ladybugs you buy are adults," explains Sara Stein, author of Planting Noah's Garden: Further Adventures in Backyard Ecology (Houghton Mifflin Company, 1997), "and they're not that hungry. The larvae are the ones that really eat. So the ladybug is looking for a place for her larvae. She needs a lot of different aphids, which means a lot of different plants, and she needs a really good infestation."

Stein, a science writer, is against artificially introducing ladybugs as bio-pest control into home gardens, because such an approach introduces one more imbalance into an ecosystem already askew. For several years, she has not used pest controls of any type on her healthy, nationally acclaimed five-acre garden in suburban New York state. Instead, she has followed a long-term strategy to rebuild the land's original ecology, an ecology where aphids, preying mantises, ladybugs, bluebirds and humans all have enough to eat. The strategy caused a radical change in topography: Once a typical suburban setting with green lawns and border flowers, Stein's yard now has wild oak woods, wetland and gardens, and she insists that the average American yard can sustain just this sort of diversity, even when it's a fraction of an acre snuggled in a tract development.


----------------------------------


The article was about ladybugs, and how to properly use them as controls for aphid population on tomatoes. It explains why the woman lost so many lady bugs to other yards. It also said that you should release lady bugs at night, so they will stay close to the garden. When they wake up the will be hungry. Also ladybug larvae is a better choice because they are hungrier than the adult ladybugs. Lady bugs move about by crawling, or flying around. Ladybugs are active durring the day and they feed on aphids. Eating aphids is one way it interacts with it's environment as well. It keeps the population of aphids in balance. Humans uses this to their advantage when growing crops.

12:36am: Observation # 3 Time: 1:15

Temp: 68* Wind: NNE
Wind Speed:13 mph U.V: Moderate
Cloud: Partly Ceiling: 10 miles
Humidity: 52% Dew point: 53*
Precip: 1.77 in Pressure: 30.19 (falling)


Today it is cool and very windy. The tree to the left is loosing it's leaves at a faster rate than the tree on the right. The weeds and grass are slowly turning yellow, and dying. Moss has grown up the side of the tree to the right. There are a considerable amount of twigs and branches on the ground. Moths are flying over the wet and muddy ground. It smells really wet, like rain water.


Observation # 4 Time: 12:25

Temp 57* wind: Variable
Wind Speed: 17-24mph U.V: Moderate
Cloud: Minimal Cieling: 10 miles
Humidity:44% Dew Point 39*
Precip: 2.52 in Pressure: 29% (rising)

Today it's really cool, it is not a fun day to be outside! Not much has changed since last week. It's darker out because it's earlier in the day. There are a few pieces of garbage blowing around the plot area. It is very breezy, which makes it feel even colder! The tree on the left has lost more leaves, while the tree on the right, its leaves are just starting to turn a yellowish shade. Did I mention that it is really cold?

Observation # 5 Time: 12:28

Temp: 55* Wind:NNW
Cloud: Overcast Ceiling: 10 miles
Humidity: 52% Dew Point: 43*
Precip: .38 in Pressure: 30.07 (falling)


It's even colder than last week! But it's not as windy. The leaves of the right tree have started to fall a little, though not as much as the left. The grass and weeds are now dead. The ground is very wet, and it's quiet out. I havn't seen any bugs today. I wonder where they are.

Observation # 6 Time: 1:15

Temp: 68*



Unfourtnately, I lost all my stats for this observation. But I do have my observation!

It is a lot warmer than last week. The leaves on the left tree are pretty much gone, and all the branches are pointing down the the ground. The ground is pretty dry, and there are little cracks. We havn't had that much rain, and since my plot is in the woods, the tree tops get most of the rain fall. Leaves are blowing around me, it's really pretty!


Observation # 7 Time: 1:15

Temp: 54* Wind: ENE
Wind Speed: 8-11mph U.V: Low
Cloud: Partly Ceiling: 10 miles
Humidity: 58% Dew point: 38*
Precip: .38 in Pressure: 30.11 (rising)


It's kinda windy, but it's nice. I guess I have gotten used to the cold tempratures. The plot grows more and more barron everytime I visit it. Just dead leaves, and dead things. The moss on the side of the tree is the only thing that changed. It's starting to grow around the whole circumfrence of the tree. while doing my listening expierence today, I realised that there is a wood pecker in here! It really made me excited, because I havn't herd a wood pecker since I was 4 years old, and living in Arizona.

12:35am: Observation # 2 Time: 1:15

Temp: 73* Wind: Variable
Wind Speed: 6 mph U.V: Moderate
Cloud: Fog Cieling: 6 miles
Humidity: 97 % Dew point: 61
Precip: .98 in Pressure: 30.15 (Falling)


This is my second visit to the plot. Today it's warm and breezy outside. It is kinda foggy, but not as much as this morning. There are more twigs and dead leaves than the last week. The grass is more flattened. Today there are more incects than last weeks. Crickets hopping and cherping. Bugs buzzing around and landing on the flowering plants. It's real peaceful and calm.

12:35am: Observation # 1 Time

Temp: 71* Wind: Variable
Wind Speed: 15 mph U.V: Moderate
Cloud: Moderate Cieling: 13 miles
Humidity: 97 % Dew point: 65*
Precip: .88 in Pressure: 30.12 (Falling)


This is my very first observation. It took me a couple of minutes to find my plot, but I have found it! There are two trees right in the center of it. There are a lot of weeds and flowering plants surrounding the two trees. Twigs, leaves and pieces of bark cover the ground. Hopefully my plot will provide a lot to write about!

12:35am: The plot I choose is located in a quiet wooded area. Two tall trees stand in the middle of it. One is alive and thriving, the other is slowly dying. A short five minute walk east of ABHS. You will come upon a small wooded area just past the athletic fields. Specifficly behind the baseball diamonds. You will see a path into the woods, take it and step over the large rusting metal pipe, than take a left and walk for about 10 feet, there you will see my plot. Two large trees in the middle of an area, weeds surrounding it. Moss climbs up the bark of the trees. Wasps, moths, and lady bugs fly about in the air. Birds up the in branches of the trees, cawing and chirping away. My plot happens to be in seconday sucession. The reason being an artifical disturbance has cause change in the ecosystem. That change would be the building of ABHS, and it's athletic fields.

8:35pm: Hey all, I mkae my legendary return to LJ. I missed LJ ooohhh so muchies! <33333. I have recently have really been doin gnothing.



TONIGHT i'm dying my hair black. No more pretty blues, no more pretty blue ;_; it's only cause I need to get a job for cash money, dollar dollar bills yall. I'm so fucking white.

For halloween I was gonna be hide, but I decided no, because i don't have enough time. Instead I'm being Dada from Venvelt Eden. He's such a Jrock hoe. Plus I look like his beautious self. :D


SWWEEEEEEEEEEEETTETETETE


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v204/bluemana/oc12001.jpg - my wonderfully pale self at my tea party. ^^


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v204/bluemana/ag16001.jpg - My wonderufully pale self and my friends at the tea party. i'm eating a sandwich, but I look so damn cute doing it. I'm so Visual


:P

5:51pm: I'm working on a project called "A Wish for hide" it's a way to unite hide fan's, and to show my love for hide. I will basicaly copy and paste what I put on my site, cause I explained it soooo good there. Hehe ^_^

About
A wish for hide is a project I'm working on. My goal is for every hide fan who sends me a message, I will make one crane. Once I reach 1000 cranes I'm going to send them off to Yokosuka, Japan, to the hide MUSEUM.

Legend
The acient legend goes, if you fold 1000 paper cranes, your wish will come true! My wish...
Your wish...
Our wish..
hide!
Help the wish come alive by sending me a message. I will fold one crane for every person who wends me a message. ONE message per person. On the crane wings I will write your name, and your favorite hide song. Wish for hide's music and legend to live on. Hope that the whole word will hear his magical tale. See the beauty in this great man. Let's keep hide alive in our hearts forever! Ever Free may our little hide be.



The response has been great, the site has been open for less than 2 days, and I already got 19 people to send me a message. I have forums up there to, and it would be great if you all joined them ^^, to further talk about hide, and stuff. Check it out:

http://endless-song.net/hide/



JOIN ALL OF YOU>>>>> CAUSE I SAID SOOO!

4:55pm: Suicidal Demise
I make my return! I'm too lazy to update my other blog, so yeah.


what has been going on, I turned 16 on September 28th, I got collection des singles, by Malice Mizer, and junk.

I was bad, and I slit my wrists the other day. Shh... I know, but I just had to. I'm a cutter, and yeah. I feel better, I just need to do it every so often, than I'm better for like 8 months.

I have bene thinking about suicide a lot. It's not like I wanna kill myself... I have just been thinking about it in general. I'm just weird.

( Fucked up Aim convo )

Yeah... hrm...

TREAT ME LIKE YOUR BACKDOOR WHORE!

I have become reobsessored with hide again. I just wanna bare his childeren, even though he's like dead, and if he were alive today, he would be 41, almost as old as my mommie. Cept he's hottttt!

Ohhs, I'm having a teaparties! I will post he invitation later, after I scan it..

2:00pm: Nocturnal Opera
Since i hate LJ, and i can never get it to look how I want it, I made my own blog, and it looks VERY pretty! I will be blogging there from now on, but every once in a while I will blog here when I just want to be compleltly random, and bitch about something stupid. So go and see my pretty new blog


http://endless-song.net/mana/blog/


It's MANARIFFIC!, and my most recent entry details of the most fucked up dream that I have ever had. It involved nick lachey and jessica simpson, IT WAS SCARRY!


I saw this thing on Sam's journal, so i'm gonna show you it

10:41am: GRRR
I just hate people, they fucking suck. It's mostly my "friends". I don't care if they see this, because they can fuck themselves for all I care.

My so called friends only tlak to me, and crap when ever they want something from me. Which I don't mind, but could we at least talk about something else besides from what their selfish spolied asses want and make it SEEM like they care? No, they can't. I talk to them and sit through all of their obsession bullshit crap, and than the second I mention anything minutely close to my obsession (Jrock) They get all pissy, and act like I'm the obsessed one. I ADMIT THAT I AM OBSESSED WITH JROCK. But at least I'm living in a real world. These Jrockers KNOW what I am feeling I can really relate to their songs and their lyrics. But my "friends" Live in a fantasy fucked up world, where everything is happy, and has a happy ending. Sorry, Life isn't like that bitches. So go pretend you are fighting off the evil and destroying the one ring. Or on a mother fucking pirate ship with Jack mother fucking sparrow What the fuck ever. My obsession is at least real. I'm going to go to Japan, and try to make it in the music industry there. Become a Jrocker, because that's what I want to do, and once I am a Jrocker I will probably get a chance to meet Mana or Gackt, or Kyo, or someother Jrocker. I'm making my dreams a reality. MY dreams can come true. Sure they are a bit morbid, but if you look around you life is fucking morbid. God. There is no way you can sail around the sea's plundering and pillaging with Jack Sparrow, he's not REAL. Or fighiting of the One right with Frodo and fucking Legolas. IT'S NOT REAL! Go pretend that you can fight evil, and all will be fine, but I'm sorry that's not how the world works. How old are we, 4? Pretending we are someone who we are not. Fuck that. There are me and My rp's but I know where to DRAW THE LINE. My god, my friends are over the line with this shit. They make up these characters (Bishie's as they call them, but they are not really bishies, go look up the real deffiniton of Bishounen, and it's TOTALLY different) and they make up little stories which is fine and dandy, but now they are treating them as if they are real people. There is a point where you have to draw the line. THEY ARE NOT REAL, NOR SHOULD THEY BE TREATED LIKE THEY ARE HUMANS, BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT! They treat their damned made up characters better than they do me, a REAL living breathing human fucking being. So treat me like one, and not some freak who dosn't conform to your fucking standards of music and fashion. So basically Fuck my "friends" cause they don't care. I'm not gonna talk to them if they aren't gonna talk to me, and treat me like a person. I can't really aviod them, because we have same classes and shit, and I'm not gonna, they are just gonna have to deal with me.


That feels a lot better.

11:08pm: fhrkd
Whee, it's bene a while since I have upadted this thingie mabob, so i might as well.

Last week I was at the beach for a week. I didn't really get tan, which I am proud of, and I was out in the sun a lot! So I'm normal colored instead of white.

I moved my sites, cause my wonderful host Mandy got a new domain http://endless-song.net/

Chimidoro My mp3 rotation: http://endless-song.net/mana/

Moonlight Promenade My messageboard: http://endless-song.net/promenade/



So I'm having fun lol.


GO JROCK!


Also on the 21st I get to see my super cool friend Sam! Yay. I was talking to her earlier, and it was FUN! She showed me a picture of her with her new piercing, and it rocks. SAM IS SEXY RAWR! lol

1:06am: Happy Birthday Gackt
Happy 30th birthday Gackt... 30 already damn... Oh well... I will still molest you! Gackt.. umm. Vanilla flavored Gackt.

I made a cake for him and everything too, when i gethte pictures back I will show you my beautious creation!

6:09pm: Zoo (cont)
Yes, more happened at the zoo. I didn't get to tell you, cause I had to go earlier, so here is the rest of the Zoo story.

I was down in the polar bear area, by my self, casue I was hot, and I needed to cool down. I hear someone call "Mana" I thought I was halucinating, so I just kept on going down the polar bear hall thing. I hear it a few more times. I just ignored it again. They have these ice walls, that are actually made of Ice, and I suck my face on it, when all of the sudden I fell someone hug me from behind. I feel a kiss on my cheeck, and I turn to see.... DOUGIE! I squeeled with delight. (For those of you who don't know who he is, ex bf, and he's bi... so he acts all gay XD) I just hugged him forever. I kiss him on the cheak when of course my older brother brings the girls down there... It looked really bad *goes into paint and draws more XD*


(Yes my bro really looks like that IRL, i am serious XD)

So my brother's all mad and I was like

"He's a flamer Ian, calm down"

"Ohh, well okay..." *takes the girls away* "You can hang out with your friend, just meet us at the gate at around 5" So I was like cool

Me and dougie saw the animals, and we got really close again... and we like... kissed... like really kissed... totaly make out session. What the fuck is with me and the ...'s? anyways. So we are all happy, and crap. I still do like Dougie, and he likes me. So that's all good.He said he likes my blue bangs.So we went back to his car, and we had fun in his car. (If you catch my drift) Yeah, I am naughty. (no we didn't do it... just fooled around PERVS!) I love Dougie. So we go back to the zoo, and see more animals, and then we ride the train to the front gate. Choo Choo Choo CHooooOO! So my brother and his GF ,and the girls didn't show up. So we started to make out and crap again, then of course they walk up.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER" says brother
"Ian calm down" says Geneieve (brother's GF)
"NO, HE HAS HIS HANDS ALL OVER HER! LOOK.... WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO DAMN MESSY." says bro
"Wind...." says me
"Bull shit." he says, and he comes up, and smells me...
"What the fuck?" says I
"You smell like him... what did you do." He yelled
"I did nothing, god, i can never have a BF around you, never!" Says I, storming off crying.
"You are a cock" says dougie, chasing after me. So I go home with Dougie, back to his house, I was so pissed at my brother. I get a call on my cell, and it's from Geneieve.

"Im sorry that Ian's such a cock, but we are really worried about you where are you at?" says her
"I'm at Dougies house, and I'm spending the night, cause I hate Ian" says I
"No, your mom will be worried, and Ian will get in trouble, we are all going to Big Boy, so why don't you and Dougie come on down, and we will talk about it over dinner." says her.
"Okay, only because I like you Genny" and I hung up. So Dougie drives me from his house to Big Boys. I find where they are sitting, and me and Dougie sit down, next to eachother. The kids (little bro, and the girls) are at another table. The waitress comes up, and takes our drink orders.

"So, how did you two meet?" says asshole brother.
"Anime convention" says dougie and I at the same time.
"He's one of Phyllis' friend cousins, and they took him along, so I met him" (Phyllis is my cool cousin)
"Ohh..." says he.
"So how long you two been going out?" he said, real assholeie.
"Since today, we were going out about 6 or 7 months ago, but we broke up." says dougie.
"How long then?" he asked.
"It was about a year and a half that we were going out, so we are really close Ian." says me
"Why did you break up?" he asked.
"It's long story, I just got really pissed, casue he would wrather hang out with his friends than me, and he thought I was cheating on him, so we just kinda broke up. But we got back together today, because we both still love eachother kay? enough with the questions.

So we ate, and Ian actually turned out to like Dougie. So they traded cell's and crap. They like the same kind of movies, it all turned out good. Me and him are going out, and my brother's cool with it.

1:33pm: Ze zoo
Yes, the Zoo rocked yesterday. I went with both my brothers, my older brother's GF, and her (GF) 2 little cousins, Gabbie and Caitlyn. They were so cute. They were nice girls, but they both got really excited wehn they saw animals, and went running in different directions. We(I) had to go chase them, and it was tiring. The zoo was still fun. it was really cool casue the boy peacocks came up to me, probbaly casuemy blue hair, and I cawed like them. I petted the peacocks, and they were nice about it... their feathers are so pretty, and I wanted to steal one, and putin in my hair. :P

That reminds me of them time that my mom told me that my grandpa brought home 2 peacocks one day, and he was going to sell their feathers. XD. My grandpa was cool, he used to bring home all these animals for my mom, and her brothers and stuff. They didn't live on a farm neather, right in the middle of a surburban area. Hehehe

It was cool. The girls even listened to Jrock with me, and danced. hehe

1:31am: ooohhh, I'm going to zee zoo tomorrow!.... actually later on today!(on the account that it's 1:30 am) YAY! The blue in mai hair came out really cool, it's pretty bright too. I might go over it again to make it a wee bit darker. It's really cool how it came out... I can't really explain... so I shall draw in paint

*a minute or two later*



Yes, there are random black lines, and random darker blue lines like that it in, those were the parts of my bangs that refused to get bleached, or just kinda bleached (I left the bleach on for a long time too, 20 minutes longer than the insturctions said... go me, I am a rebel!) Yes, and I do look that cool (not really) I do have cool eyes like that... minus the animeness.... I am just blabbering on... lalalallalalala. I will have the pictures up, I decided not to do the photoshoot today, cause I hung out with my brother's cool GF all day. I almost got her to dye blue streaks in her hair, but her mom would have killed her and kicked her out of teh house. (Even though she has two really cool neato tattoo's, go figure)

Ohh, I made iconage, you guys can use... most of them are for my own simple minded amusement, comment, credit, and spread my lovely icons hehe...


5x hide

Teaser:


( Cut my wings, will I fly? )

Cross posted on jrock_icons(Yes i'm lame and I don't know the cool tags... hehe)

Photobucket is being assy, so teh pictures might be... all not there and crap.

9:58pm: Dancing with a Pink Spider
*sigh* I just got done watching a studio live of hide performing Pink Spider, and it just makes me so sad. He's gone, he won't come back, I will never be able to glomp him. He was such a talented man, and he's gone. Damnit it's not fair. I have had several rants about hide's death, and how it was unfair. But damn... I just miss him. I know hide wouldn't want me to cry, he would want me to smile when I think of him, but it's so hard. There was one point in the video, the camera zooms in real clos, and as he's singing, he just winks so cutely, and that just makes me even sadder, but it makes me want to make my dreams come true. I get so much inspiration from hide, it's amazing. I feel as if I have something to prove to him.


*several minutes later, after yet another hide video*

Gosh... this is just all making me so sad. I just watch a live version on "Goodbye". Damn.... I am just crying even more, but yet, I am smiling too, because it makes me happy to see him sing... damn.


hide, I love you so much. I know you are much happier where you are. We all miss you down here...^^

10:08pm: Ehehe!
I got my skirt and headress from Sadako-chan yesterday, and they turned out beautiful! I put them on like right away, and I looked cuter than hell in them! I wore this shirt that kinda went with it, but oh well, I'm in the process of making a shirt that does match. I'm going on a photoshoot in my backyard tomorrow, and possibly to a graveyard, to take pictures of me looking all lolitaish. So I will have pictures of me looking ultra cute tomorrow! ^^.


I'm also redying my hair tonight,(well the dye is on my head right now) the back is starting to turn blondeish brown, and I need it blueish black, so I went out and bought Garnier 100% 210 blue black hair dye. (good dye, and it was on sale at CVS w00t)I had to go over the blue that I dyed it, but I am redying my bangs and tips blue tonight as well.



I have been come reobsessed with Miyavi one again He's just so lovely! wild and crazy!

http://jdmexplorer.us/lolita/viewthread.php?tid=97 (yeesh, that's me messageboard... I don't think I plugged it here, anyways, that's the miyavi thread, so go read my fangirlness)

10:54am: Hehe MANA SMILING
I was going throw all of the pictures onmy comp, and I came upon this one, of Mana smiling with teeth, and hardly any make up, and I just love it so much that i woulght i would hsre it with you. He's so pretty when he smiles!

( Read more... )

4:25pm: I have been in a shitty mood all day, even though it seems that everything is going my way, it sure as hell dosn't feel that way. I get to go to Iskasucon, and my older brother and his GF are driving me. (Yay, if it was my mom, then she would be following me around the whole damn con..). I get to meet Mandy at Ikasucon. w00t. My mom is letting me buy all this shit of the internet. I am gonna get to throw a big Lolita tea party later in the summer. So why don't I feel happy? I know why, it's because he is till with her. I STILL love him, even though he's put me through all this pain, he's hurt me so many times, yet I have remained close to him, and I love him all the same. It sucks I feel as if he is the one for me, I have never loved a person this much, it's ben what, 2 years since I have started to have feelings for them, and they have only gotten stronger. But he just hurts me. He dosn't seem to care about anything, he only cares about him and his dick, I have covered for him soo many times, so he won't get introuble with HER, and so they will stay together. I could have done so many things, hell I could have been with him now. In may when she went on the band trip, and all our other friends did, it was just me and him. He started to come on to me. He said that he was going to break up with her if I would go out with him. But I just couldn't. Even the damn tarot cards, and ouija board said that we would go out before the end of the school year, but I decided to change it, because of my damn concious. Because I promised her if they were to break up that I wouldn't go out with him, even though I don't like her that much, I promised her that. Even though she broke her same promise to Amanda after Amanda and him went out I kept it. How much longer will I have to go on living like this? I really do love him, and it really sucks, because I can't be with him, even though he wants to, and I want to... I don't want to hurt her, because I promised that I wouldn't. I just have to talk to the both of them about this. But I am scared... I don't know why, but I still have to talk to them... I have had so many chances to be with him. When they broke up for a few weeks, he asked me out, but I said no. Me and him were gonna go to Anime Central together, alone (well my brother would drive us, but he would be in the city the whole day with his GF) in a hotel room. But I decided not to go. When she went on the band trip, I said no. But I really wish I would have said yes, then maybe this pain would have gone away.... But oh well, I can't fix that. But I can't help that I still Love him. I swear the next time he asks, I will say yes. I will say yes, and kiss him, hug him, and Love him. Screw the promise. She dosn't care about me, she has broken all her promises to me. Hell, she even thought I was trying to break them up. No, I have been preventing it all along, but you know what, I am going to be the cause of them breaking up. She dosn't deserve him. She dosn't even like him, she has told me that several times, she only wants his friendship, and his damn money, cause his parents are rich. I don't want all that all I want his him. Damn love sucks.

( Take my heart and make it yours )

Why does love suck so much?

7:57pm: Memoires of the Butterfly
Today is the 5th aniversery of Kami's death. Kami was a very beautiful person, who had a bright future ahead of him, but his untimley death put a stop to any future. Kami, in my opinion is JRock's best drummer. I could only imagine waht great thing she and Malice Mizer could have done he he hadn't died, but he's gone, and there is no denying that. Today we all morun, and remember Kami's life, and celebrate that, instead of his untimley death. Kami will always be alive in our hearts and in our minds!
( Memoires of the Butterfly )

1:49am: I went to my friend, Catie, her graduation party today. It was really boring, and she wasn't hacing fun, because her parents invited all these peoples she didn't know, and they got a moonwalk, and a big tent, and a cartering party thing, and hired country singers. (they were realy bad country singers too) We (my brother, his girlfriend, and I[brohter andhis gf are friends of Catie too]) stayed for an hour or two. This guy that did these comericals for Mr.Alan's was gonna come dressed up like a cowboy. (He does this relaly cool thing in the comercial, well he's a voice, so he says something cool, "29 or 2 4 fity") my brother was gonna go up to him and say "Do it, do it now or I will bluger you to death with your boot" (in refrence to the 29 or two 4 fity) but we left too early, and we missed him, oh well. XD. Then we went to the mall (Macomb mall... i don't like that mall as much as Lakeside). The first store we went in was Hot Topic, because my brother's gf is cool, XD. I bought blue fishnets, and I was gonna buy this lolitaish dress, but I didn't have enough, so I am going back on Tuesday when I get paid. Hehe. Then I went home, and did stuff, and now I am here typing this. Boring. eh?


Oooies, also Sadako-chan finished me skirt

I havn't actually phsically got it yet, she has to send it, and make the matching head dress, but gahh, I love the skirt!

http://jdmexplorer.us/lolita/viewthread.php?action=attachment&tid=27&pid=310

8:44am: YAR YAR YAR I CAN HEAR YOOOOOOOUUU! Lol I am hyper.... so deal.

Oh yeah, yesterday I changed my Mana shrine, into a mp3 rotaion, ph34r my crappy skills. So go to http://firaga.com/lolita/ and download jrockness, Kana-chan and her panda,Toraboruta tell you too.

KANA-Chan KAWAII DESU! 香奈　ちゃん　かわいい　です！

Go me and my Japanese Skillzzz.

How to make a blue_mana

Ingredients: 1 part intelligence 3 parts humour 3 parts beauty

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little caring if desired!